Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 23, 2009 16:58:37 GMT -5
I see the way you look at her I recall it from my past It's a sly scheming leer I have to get her out fast
I thought that you were different I didn't expect this from you You talked such a good game I never even had a clue
I learned a long time ago Predators can be so smart A seeming innocent smile Can hide such an evil heart
The way you take her everywhere The new things that you bought her Were all just part of your master plan How could you? She's your daughter
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on May 23, 2009 17:16:54 GMT -5
Very powerful write, Penny. Shades of Dolores Claiborne, here. Experience, unfortunately, is the best warning system when it comes to these animals. I hope he's at the bottom of a well.
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 23, 2009 17:30:56 GMT -5
Huntsville State Prison... close enough.
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Post by NewMan™ on May 23, 2009 17:58:35 GMT -5
hi Penny,
this reminds me alot of another poem of yours, Detour To Hell, which I read on the radio, it has never left my mind, that tells a tale of someone who must stop such a predator from taking another victim. Yours is a powerful voice and the words are strong.
Fate will play a part in this story before it is over.
Take care friend,
~ Daniel
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Post by polonius on May 23, 2009 23:28:14 GMT -5
A very shocking twist at the end that seems at odds with the vivid description of the schemer who intends his unnatural crime. It is sad that it is so hard to trust, that caution is so necessary.
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Jim
Apprentice Member
Posts: 164
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Post by Jim on May 24, 2009 8:08:41 GMT -5
I've attempted to write on this subject, but those obscure pieces were not very courageous attempts. it is poems like this one that will help to break the cycle. so sad that our children have to grow up so young.
peace
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Post by ARTHUR KELLY on May 24, 2009 11:02:06 GMT -5
a harrowing twist unseen until the end, that won my sympathy and empathy for the victims (with predators like this there is always a chain of victims) A subject too close for comfort, now to break the chain! *Exalt*
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Post by tryeager on Jun 7, 2009 15:15:35 GMT -5
The topic here is a powerful one. Makes for a really good poem. The order of the poem is good and the end is fantastic. I think you could tweek the lines a little for a smoother rhythm. Good write.
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Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
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Post by Ebonfire on Jun 19, 2009 16:42:09 GMT -5
Lady B, I APPLAUD this write because it says I'm looking, I'm listening, and I will NOT turn a blind eye. Bold, and precious at the same time because it shows you care, and that you're not having it! Peace, my sister in the end comes from doing the right thing. Vicki
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