Post by astroannie on Nov 13, 2009 19:46:41 GMT -5
It Doesn't Really Matter
It doesn't really matter anymore... We used to be companions of the heart. Together we will no longer explore Our love of music, poetry and art. You're leaving wounds me to my very core. The life we planned together's come apart.
It's almost now as if we'd never been-- Those days are gone; forever in our past. What we once had will never be again.
I thought our love was something unsurpassed, And through that love, the world we'd command. Now I've learned that love can never last.
It seems as if I didn't understand.
I thought that all the words you left unsaid. Were telling me the love we had was true. It turns out that I didn't have a clue. That what you felt was something else instead.
I showed my love with roses colored red. I thought to share my passion with that hue. But black would be a better choice for you. For love and other feelings that are dead.
You are the one I'm always dreaming of, Though words are not sufficient to convey, The thoughts that cause me torment constantly.
If I could write a poem to win your love, I'd need no Muse to help me find the way, My love would be the spirit guiding me.
The life we planned together's come apart. Your leaving wounds me to my very core. Our love of music, poetry and art, Together we will no longer explore. We used to be companions of the heart. It doesn't really matter anymore...
You maintained your theme through the different parts here, Annie. It's a very sad write that leaves aching for this scorned lover. Is this for Redstone's challenge, perchance? Though it's not a classic form, or combined classic forms, because of the two extra sestets (six-line stanzas - watch for the correct "your": it's wrong in opening sestet but right in ending.), your Terza Rima part is brief but good. A Miltonian sonnet usually has an eight-line "octave" followed by a "sestet", with a turn delayed to the tenth line, which changes the tone or mood. In the octave, where you use two quatrains, rhyming follows traditional format - without counting syllables, it sounds fine. The sestet component is also fine, though your turn comes in ninth line, it also fits your theme and write. Good luck. H x
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." ~ Albert Einstein
Post by prometheus on Dec 12, 2009 22:47:22 GMT -5
I thought it very well done indeed.....It stays true to its message and really leaves the reader to feel for the person suffering here. As for all the forms, I am not well enough aquainted to comment so I just ran with the piece in that vein and enjoyed the trip. Good job.