|
Post by georgefripley on Oct 1, 2009 20:56:05 GMT -5
Lying prone in fading light, hearing only vague echoes of the point of impact, buffeted in the storm’s turbulent wake,
with a mind left on stand-by. Deaf, dumb, paralysed in a silent slow-motion world
sinking into oblivion, falling ever backwards, clutching at a happier past.
|
|
prometheus
Junior Member
Flying too close to the Sun[ss:EasyEyes]
Posts: 75
|
Post by prometheus on Oct 3, 2009 22:21:08 GMT -5
I get the impression something bad is happening to this poor soul, but can't quite grasp it........has he been shot and is seeing his life pass before him?.........I do like the imagery and how it is written, it just is a hard interpretive critter to nail down.....clues?
|
|
|
Post by NewMan™ on Oct 4, 2009 2:17:58 GMT -5
you have captured the moment when we feel all is lost, that we finally realize things have changed and they can never again be as they were.. I remember this moment and it was a real eye opener for me, it gave me the strength inside to hate someone I thought I never could.
tc, keep writing.
~ Daniel
|
|
|
Post by georgefripley on Oct 4, 2009 20:04:38 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments.
In answer to your question prometheus, it is a generic 'bad news' reaction - deliberately not specific. I am still working on it and will probably change the first line to take out 'lying prone' as this gives too much of an impression of an accident. I am more thinking of the delivery of bad news that an actual physical impact - although they can feel much the same in some circumstances.
Sir Daniel - thank you. You have read the poem as I intended it to be read. I am trying to work in 12 lines or less at the moment. Keeps me focused on delivering a message with the minimum of distraction.
|
|
|
Post by Max on Oct 15, 2009 9:40:28 GMT -5
I love the emotive language used in this piece, George. "Buffeted on the storm's turbulent wake" is the heaviest line I in the piece, in my opinion. A solid write here, this does have a personal feel to it, but the metaphors leave it open to interpretation as well.
|
|
|
Post by Dr Fogg on Nov 12, 2009 8:28:43 GMT -5
I interpreted it as someone who has lost his home and maybe family, the last faint ray of hope now gone! All he has are memories of a better time. Well deserving of being featured George.
|
|
|
Post by Harklight on Nov 16, 2009 17:48:57 GMT -5
A great effect achieved in a minimalist write, George. I react similarly to severely bad news: shock affects people differently but I relate to the storm, the mind and sensory numbing. Congrats for being featured. H x
|
|
|
Post by georgefripley on Nov 16, 2009 23:00:43 GMT -5
Cheers guys...I guess it means different things to different people depending on what has happened to them...and that was the aim.
I feel very honoured to have been featured! Thank you all.
|
|