Sarah
Experienced Member
~Everything happens for a reason~[ss:Autumn]
Posts: 381
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Post by Sarah on Aug 11, 2009 23:24:35 GMT -5
Calculating being, silent observer Watching her passing judgment Target marked, cross hairs aligned Daring not look her in the eyes Soulless creature, residing in shadow What crime did this one commit? Stray too close? Or perhaps too far Did she make you feel uneasy? Or did she take something Kept under lock and key? And now you want it back Ah, now I see A black hole where it once lay You placed her in your witness protection No one knew she existed but you And still you hunt her down Is it fear or guilt that moves your hand? To keep her from some secret Well go on sniper, pull the trigger Dammit she's standing right there! She'll give back what's yours But grant her one favor when she does Pull the damn trigger! Aim for her head, make the shot count Because if all you've told her are lies You'll wish you had killed her If your aim strays off it's mark.
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Post by Max on Aug 12, 2009 11:31:32 GMT -5
This is a great story, Sarah, but I definitely sense some personal emotion in this piece. The sniper and the target seem to have had a relationship of sorts, and this really plays out like a metaphor that can be interpreted a number of ways. I love pieces like that, excellent write my dear
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Post by Harklight on Aug 13, 2009 18:07:23 GMT -5
Great tension built in the first six lines, Sarah. Though you haven't given it away completely, this sounds much like self-flagellation, two parts of one entity at war: inner-self beating inner-self. "Soulless creature" and "no one knew she existed but you" plus ending demands, especially "if all you've told her are lies" make a very raw and emotional piece. Bravo!! H x
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Post by Dr Fogg on Aug 19, 2009 3:15:55 GMT -5
Mental note to self, "Dont cross Blooming Rose" This was brilliant both technicaly and emotionaly. Exalt
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