|
Tedium
May 28, 2009 5:28:17 GMT -5
Post by kellygreen on May 28, 2009 5:28:17 GMT -5
Habituated nails worn in an attempt to chew away this boredom bleed into neglected cuticles; she is kin to an animal who gnaws at its leg while mistakenly dreaming of freedom.
Malaise and ennui, those dreaded sisters of tainted gypsy blood emboldened by the ticking clock, whisper ciphers into expectant ears until she can no longer hear herself sigh.
And there she sits at her smoke stained window where nothing moves except the sun and moon as the glow of her cigarette bids them their leave.
|
|
|
Tedium
May 28, 2009 7:56:19 GMT -5
Post by polonius on May 28, 2009 7:56:19 GMT -5
A very poignant image of the urban poor, trapped into a life of subsistence and isolation, where everything happens outside their lives-a common dull agony in modern cities as people become alienated from each other.
EXALT
|
|
|
Tedium
May 28, 2009 9:06:41 GMT -5
Post by Artemis on May 28, 2009 9:06:41 GMT -5
Welcome Kelly great to see you here ...
I really liked the imagery here, it seemed a very atmospheric piece, the mood hung gloomy in the air though, really great write ... K x
|
|
Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
|
Tedium
May 28, 2009 23:11:53 GMT -5
Post by Saffron on May 28, 2009 23:11:53 GMT -5
kelly!!!! I am thrilled beyond words to see you here. :DWelcome sweetheart. Have some coffee. You know, this poem really got to me. I picture someone who is feeling malaise, perhaps she is living in memories, perhaps she is wanting to get out of a relationship/school/town. Or maybe she is just too shy or scared to make a change. Whatever the reason, your imagery is so sharp that I can see her sitting there, an ashtray full of cigarette butts, and a heart full of regrets. Exalt. Penny
|
|
|
Tedium
May 29, 2009 5:09:32 GMT -5
Post by kellygreen on May 29, 2009 5:09:32 GMT -5
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome and the exalts.
I am pleased to be here.
kelly
|
|
|
Tedium
May 29, 2009 10:55:50 GMT -5
Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on May 29, 2009 10:55:50 GMT -5
Hey, Kelly, glad you're here! ;D This really had that "film noir" atmosphere for me. Tasty read, I just want to let it swirl around me like that cigarette smoke. You really have great style. (I resurrected one of your old Nature posts about a month back because I didn't think it had enough replies it was too good!) *exalt* And have a look around at the place, put your feet up.
|
|
|
Tedium
May 29, 2009 22:45:06 GMT -5
Post by Harklight on May 29, 2009 22:45:06 GMT -5
... with a very emotional poem as your intro ... It's great to see you here, Kelly!!
The picture, you so clearly painted, is disturbing by its very nature. To live for nothing and have nothing to live for, except for expectant ears never satisfied, would be dreadful. I felt this desperate situation as though I were watching her pain, hoping she'd care enough to fight back. That ticking clock fell into synch with nail chews and smoke twirls - innane tedium. I felt like smashing the clock and kicking her butt out into the sunshine. Great title and a fantastic write!! H x
|
|
Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
|
Tedium
Jun 20, 2009 6:27:43 GMT -5
Post by Ebonfire on Jun 20, 2009 6:27:43 GMT -5
The imagery here was sharp Kelly, and set a mood for the write. You described her well, she could be from anywhere, but we all know she exist. We understand we could be her. Great write, Ebonfire
|
|