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Post by Harklight on May 11, 2009 21:59:29 GMT -5
Hemlock In The Wine!
Sleepless, night after endless night without serene dreams, a dire plight: a haunted, restless spirit she’s of days and eves with unpredictable storm winds bestirring leaves flowing against tides of pleasure finding neither gifts nor treasure. Taunting muted shadows, which bind her ever-cold, she’s an uncut diamond thrust amid silver and gold bearing more than one should alone for actions that others ought to atone. She exudes delightful charity and enchantment, an overdose of forgiveness and enlightenment for inhumanity’s tarnished reason - this life bears her mortal treason.
She knows the hemlock in life’s early wine - a child, prematurely felled from the vine.
~~~~~~ Copyright ©
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Post by polonius on May 12, 2009 16:43:28 GMT -5
You deliver the tragic blow of the child's death very effectively as an ending climax.
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Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
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Post by Ebonfire on May 12, 2009 16:43:58 GMT -5
I liked the rhythm and the rhyme here.
It reads like the bitter wine of life. Then I found other meanings here so, I have to say that it was thought provoking, and well worth several more readings.
Well penned.
~Ebonfire
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Post by apocalypticjay on May 13, 2009 8:44:30 GMT -5
for inhumanity’s tarnished reason - this life bears her mortal treason.
What pain and anguish in this piece its heartwrenching, I loved the lines above it summed it up for me before the tragic end. The flow was great with rhyme, but it's the depth that touched my heart, brilliant write x
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on May 14, 2009 14:03:03 GMT -5
Harklight,
This is such a brilliant metaphor for not just lost innocence but stolen innocence and the corruption of youth. *exalt* is not enough but I give one gladly. This line is the most revealing once discerned, IMHO:
Fantastic write.
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