Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
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I Sway
Apr 23, 2009 17:01:58 GMT -5
Post by Ebonfire on Apr 23, 2009 17:01:58 GMT -5
When the living of life strains Causing confusion in my brain I start to hear the music notes Before they begin to play, I sway...
Once started their drifting in air Suspended in someplace where I need them to be, they float Starting to soothe me, and melt my Tenseness away, I sway
To flutes toot, and to drums roll Notes blend and mix inside my soul Picking up a beat that chases blues A rhythm that has it own set of rules
Mellow, it eases the kinks out Makes me start to move about Feet picking up a new kind of dance As I prance across the open floor Feeling the rhythm speak some more
Sounds separate and blended create A mind state that evens the grey matter Lessens the white noise of life’s chatter Allowing for my better day, I sway
As the music blows my strain away, I sway...
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I Sway
Apr 23, 2009 18:24:37 GMT -5
Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on Apr 23, 2009 18:24:37 GMT -5
This makes me feel like dancing. The internal rhyme really propels this along and the technique is quite good. I have to ask: Zeppelin?
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I Sway
Apr 24, 2009 1:22:04 GMT -5
Post by Artemis on Apr 24, 2009 1:22:04 GMT -5
Wonderful write sweetie, there is nothing on this earth like music to lift ones spirits and dance the blues away. Very nice imagery that leads to an uplifted feeling, wonderful K xx
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I Sway
Apr 24, 2009 10:31:39 GMT -5
Post by ARTHUR KELLY on Apr 24, 2009 10:31:39 GMT -5
great piece that had its own scheme, i 've not seen one like that before...It felt random, but wasn't 8-
....and the music plays on!!!!
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Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
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I Sway
Apr 24, 2009 17:04:19 GMT -5
Post by Ebonfire on Apr 24, 2009 17:04:19 GMT -5
Jamie I'm laughing because if I ever listened to Zeppelin I wasn't aware of it. If you're picking up rhythm up it's my own, because it was written to emote that feeling.
Thanks K, much appreciative of your kind words.
AK, I'm glad you enjoyed and appreciate your comments.
Ebonfire
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I Sway
Apr 28, 2009 23:39:25 GMT -5
Post by polonius on Apr 28, 2009 23:39:25 GMT -5
It's nice to hear a positive note, so to speak, Ebonfire, an optimistic approach to the ordinary annoyances, and an appreciation of the soothing melodies that are always at hand; nicely expressed with rhyming couplets and internal rhymes that facilitates the flow.
Have a biscuit.
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Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
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I Sway
Apr 30, 2009 18:14:26 GMT -5
Post by Ebonfire on Apr 30, 2009 18:14:26 GMT -5
Thank you Polonius, that is exactly what I was trying to relay with this piece. Your warm comments let me know that it came across to you as such, and that's high praise my friend. Thanks for the biscuit too!
Ebonfire
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