Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 23, 2009 16:07:40 GMT -5
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Post by stacy (FINALLY back!) on May 24, 2009 0:05:57 GMT -5
OMG!!!! That is so funny! They really are brave to put that one up about a former US President. I heard he's been spending most of his time at his home in Texas crying and really depressed these days. I wonder if there is any truth in that rumor? It would serve him right, imo.
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 24, 2009 20:36:08 GMT -5
I'll ask forgiveness for this one ahead of time A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption at birth. One of the twins went to a family in Egypt, and was named "Amal." The other twin went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on May 28, 2009 8:36:18 GMT -5
You thought that one was a groaner . . .
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened so she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like... HELLO! You need to roll up the windows first!"
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on May 28, 2009 8:39:23 GMT -5
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bed side every single day One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.
She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me
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Post by Artemis on May 28, 2009 9:01:59 GMT -5
Great Jokes Jamie haha .... xx
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 31, 2009 15:32:55 GMT -5
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bed side every single day One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me OMGosh. I wasn't expecting the last line. That there is funny. Thanks Jamie. You just made my day. ROTFLMAO
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 31, 2009 21:42:42 GMT -5
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. 'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. 'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. 'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.' 'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on May 31, 2009 21:48:30 GMT -5
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went to heaven where they met God. He asked them 'How do you like it so far?' The mouse replied 'It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?' God said 'Sure', and he gave him a pair of roller skates. The next day God saw the cat and asked him 'How are you doing?' and the cat replied 'Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on Jun 2, 2009 8:40:38 GMT -5
CHILDS PRAYER
Dear God:
This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer.
Amen.
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on Jun 2, 2009 14:50:47 GMT -5
I have to ask forgiveness ahead of time for this one: Cowboy Honeymoon A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room. He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed." The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?' The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it.
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Post by stacy (FINALLY back!) on Jun 4, 2009 14:35:01 GMT -5
And I, too, must ask for forgiveness in advance for this joke. Read on...[/i]
cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a costume party."
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Post by stacy (FINALLY back!) on Jun 4, 2009 14:36:22 GMT -5
OMG Jamie. That reminded me of some of Bobs relatives in Arkansas. Scary thing is, some of them really are that crude and if you ever met them, you would truly understand every redneck joke ever heard. I think if you googled them, their photo would show up next to the definition of redneck...lmao.
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Post by Jamie~poetshare.forumotion.com on Jun 4, 2009 15:16:43 GMT -5
lol Trust me, it's not that far from my house to Boonieville. (And when I heard your joke it was a dirtier version--the Nun got a bit further on. *cough, cough*) Speaking of Rednecks:
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Post by stacy (FINALLY back!) on Jun 4, 2009 16:35:30 GMT -5
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