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Post by Artemis on Apr 17, 2009 15:43:49 GMT -5
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on Apr 18, 2009 1:57:47 GMT -5
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.' So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time. When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.' God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what the e-mail said? Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
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Post by Artemis on Apr 18, 2009 2:03:55 GMT -5
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on Apr 18, 2009 2:26:32 GMT -5
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty .'
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Post by Artemis on Apr 18, 2009 2:44:13 GMT -5
^^ roflmao
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub talking about their sons. 'My son was born on St Georges day, so we called him George.'Said the Englishman. 'That's a coincidence, my son was born on St Andrews day so we called him andrew' said the Scot.
'My god that's amazing', says the Irishman,' The same thing happened with my son Pancake.'
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Post by Artemis on Apr 18, 2009 2:49:42 GMT -5
Did you hear about the consitpated accountant?
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He couldn't budget
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on Apr 18, 2009 3:21:45 GMT -5
Oh crap. That's too funny. Uh-oh, Was that a Freudian slip? *holding my tummy while laughing* : ;D
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fairqueen
Apprentice Member
Colored Pencil Drawing by Fairqueen
Posts: 233
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Post by fairqueen on Apr 18, 2009 5:11:54 GMT -5
Those are just too funny. Almost fell out of my chair!!!!! LOL
HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's Morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business...
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, But feared her enough to maintain their silence..
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, Of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of The town's only bar one afternoon.. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) That everyone seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!
Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a Moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front Of Mildred's house... Walked home...and left it there all night!!!
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Ebonfire
Experienced Member
[ss:Chocolate]
Posts: 326
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Post by Ebonfire on Apr 18, 2009 10:03:16 GMT -5
There were some senior ladies talking together one day outside their living facility. One of them said we need to do something exciting, and the others wanted to know what that could be. She said let's take off all of our clothes and run naked through the home. So they did.
There were a group of old men sitting outside when they ran through and one of them wanted to know "what was that!"
Another sitting with them answered
" I don't know but whatever it was it needed ironing"!
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Post by Artemis on Apr 19, 2009 14:53:46 GMT -5
Did you hear about the dumb terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
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He burned his lips on the exhaust
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Post by Artemis on Apr 21, 2009 1:25:46 GMT -5
DROP'EM
With his wife, Fred the pensioner goes for his annual check up at the doctors.
'Well,' says the doc, 'everything seems fine but I'm going to need a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample.'
'What was that?' Shouts Fred who's a bit deaf.
'he says he needs your underwear.' Says his wife.
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Saffron
Experienced Member
Daughter of Ecanus
Posts: 365
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Post by Saffron on Apr 21, 2009 14:23:09 GMT -5
ROTF A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
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Post by NewMan™ on Apr 21, 2009 22:30:36 GMT -5
What two words contain the most letters?
Post Office
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Post by Artemis on Apr 21, 2009 23:37:50 GMT -5
What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?
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A leisure centre
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Post by Artemis on Apr 23, 2009 4:54:14 GMT -5
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